Coming In From The Cold

Hello All…apologies for my absence, as I’ve been working my ass off trying to get out from under debt with my benefactor…masonry, landscaping, tree work, and other lovely hobbies have been draining the energy I’d like to be putting elsewhere, but at the same time I’m grateful for the opportunity to get my life together and not be just another face out in the cold, cold streets.

I came to the realization that, for all of my experience as a nomad, I have no idea how long it really takes to recover from a bad stint outside. Physical recovery is fairly easy…a few good meals, a hot shower, some rest…but what of the mental recovery? Homelessness is stress, period. More so if you’re like me and can’t help but try to be six moves ahead of the game, and can see the pitfalls and slippery slopes that, while you may not fall down them, are still there and need to be considered. Even worse if you’ve come in from the cold X times before only to get the boot again.

So what do you do when all of a sudden you’re not homeless anymore? “Throw a party? Have a parade?” Well, maybe. You might be better off to hold off on the celebration for just a moment, and secure your position.

I’ve had so many friends who’ve been outdoors (and many still are) that it’s easy for me to get that some of my patterns of behavior are fairly common, as are some of my observations about the condition. First off: regardless of who brought you in off of the streets, don’t assume it will last forever. Many people start out trying to help someone in need, and find out that it’s not as simple as making a decision between yes and no - there’s constant give and take, unless you’re lucky enough to have a lot of space between you and your benefactor/benefactress. All of a sudden your host can’t walk around the house naked anymore, belch without restraint, or whatever it is that privacy offers them. Helping someone out is, after all, inconvenient; as my Subam-nim used to say, “If this was easy, everyone would be doing it.”

What does this mean for the person being taken in? Simply put, acknowledge and respect the fact that someone is putting themselves out - however little it might be in your perception - in order to help you. Try to minimize your impact on this person’s life, ie coming in late, being loud, making a mess of things, that sort of thing. Is there a way to sweeten the deal for your host - do you cook a mean omelet? Good at debugging computers? Used to be a landscaper in high school? Know that guy who has the good weed? You can make it more of an even deal without making an indentured servant of yourself. If you two have an agreement worked out, write it down and try to follow it to the letter. Don’t have an agreement or a plan of action? Make one. Stick to it. While there’s a certain part that might scream from the bottom of your soul that “I deserve this help!”, your soul will really be screaming when your ass is back outside. Ask me how I know.

Even if you’ve scrimped and saved and worked your ass off to get off of the streets, and received no help, it’s easy to backslide into bad habits that might make this period a vacation between times being stuck on the street rather than the break you’ve been waiting for. Another thing to consider is that the feeling of being ‘back on the treadmill’, subject to monthly rent and bills, is it’s own source of stress. Be prepared for it.

If you are receiving some much needed help, keep in mind that just because lightning struck once doesn’t mean it will again. This is especially true as our ‘brotherhood’ might be getting the membership drive of a lifetime, as the economic woes we’re experiencing can make it so that many people are simply doing all they can to stay afloat. People that might have helped a year ago may be simply unable to now - of course, the inverse may well be true, too. People who might not have ever thought about their fellows on the streets may have had their eyes opened recently. Maybe, but that doesn’t mean that such people are to be used like toilet paper without regard for the next needy soul to come along.

Here’s something I became aware of in Venice - those who get helped only to turn around and act like rank assholes in return do more than sully their own name and reputation - they can, in fact, fuck it up for untold numbers of people. People who’ve been generous for long periods of time can get turned off by being burned bad enough just once. And such people are rare enough that a few rotten apples can indeed spoil the entire barrel, as far as avenues to better places go, especially in small, intimate communities. Some people will continue to help others no matter how many times the Murphy’s Law maxim of ‘No Good Deed Goes Unpunished’ comes true, but this is not to be supposed. Remember, that ‘other’ person is yourself. Life is funny that way, and you can’t be sure that because you’ve ‘beaten’ homelessness once, that you’re not in for round two (or twelve), and all of a sudden that bridge that was burnt doesn’t seem so insignificant.

I’ve seen this effect in action and it’s really frustrating to watch so many good, respectful, worthwhile people left behind and left out because some jagoff had to come around and have a good time on someone else’s tab. There are people who’ve become ‘pro users’ and they know how to con their way into a warm bed, taking advantage of the charity of others and using it up for those who really need it. Sadly this tends to affect those who are too genuine to want to worm their way in anywhere. You, dear reader, I can only assume are not like this - so please do make sure that those who help you don’t come to regret it, because it can affect many others besides yourself.

Once you are inside, instead of sitting down and vegging out in front of the idiot box, you might take the time to make a mental inventory, and work out the things in your head that could become problems later. Cultivate a calm sense of command over the one thing you have control over - yourself. Take time to think of what you’ve learned, and how you can apply it to your life as it is now. Now that you’ve got both feet on the ladder, can you help someone else in more need than you? Keep in mind that Karma is not only real, but a Bitch - to receive help, in whatever form, and then refuse to give what was given to you…well, good luck riding that out. Not to mention, if you’ve been to the bottom and still can’t manage to empathize with your fellow humans, there’s just something wrong. It might not even be much - I used to cook pancakes for the guy who lived in my old crashed car. Let someone leave an important item at your house. Invite them in for showers. Remember that you wanted such simple things when you were there, not so long ago.

It is very important that those of us who’ve been there, and have the perception to appreciate what they’ve really been taught by such an experience, to rise up ourselves and be able to spread not only what we’ve learned but be truly able to help others, by being able to help ourselves. It is more important to realize that tomorrow may be too late to do so, and we can always help out in some way, if only just a little - help someone shoulder a burden, offer an ear to someone who needs it. These things cost little and can actually give you back more than you’d think. Didn’t make any friends on the streets while you were there? Doesn’t matter, find some stranger in need. Give even if they don’t deserve it. Giving is receiving. Even if you’ve never been homeless, know of no homeless and can’t find any, what of the people around you? Aren’t we all in need of something?

For those still in the streets, remember that if I can come up, anyone can, and that this, too, shall pass…

Dan Muench is a wanderer, musician, hack philosopher and sometimes writer. He’d moved 33 times before completing high school and has lost count since, and has occasionally managed to parlay his foibles into Rock N Roll genius. He is in the middle of writing a book, ‘33 Days of Madness’, about the hobo/homeless life in Venice Beach and his time on tour with Sky Saxon and The Seeds.