Thoughts On Rehabilitation
By Ronzig on Jan 5, 2009 in Street Voices
You know, crack is so fucked up. I had been trying to quit ever since I realized that I had become an addict, but I never made it more than 2 weeks. Every addict knows that it’s stealing his humanity and destroying his body, but hardly anyone succeeds in kicking it. 20 years ago, when I became an addict, we didn’t know how bad the stuff was. We thought it was like smoking a little grass. You know; something to share with your friends at a party. My friends and I would get together on Friday nights and smoke some rock to get in the party mood, but it didn’t take long before we were smoking on Saturdays too. Then it was one night through the week and before long it was every day and every night. I was the first one to realize that we’d become addicts. We were all successful businessmen. Most of us owned our own companies and had several employees, so when I told my friends that I thought we were addicts they all laughed. I told them that if any of them could go a full week without smoking I’d admit I was wrong, but none of us made it.
Anyhow, I had been trying to quit on and off ever since, but it feels so good that after a few days without it, I’d get to thinking about it and that was all I’d need to make the call. And if I managed to get past that stage I’d start having the physical withdrawals. Mainly pain, nausea and diarrhea. The only way to feel better is to smoke some crack, so when I couldn’t stand being sick any longer, I’d get high. The dealers loved me because I was a chronic addict and they were getting rich at my expense, so if I didn’t contact them for a while, they’d come by and give me some free drugs to get me going again. I never had the strength to say no, even though I knew exactly what they were doing.
One reason rehab programs have such a low success rate is the simple fact that the only thing an addict knows is the drug culture. When he cuts himself off from drugs, he has to drop all contact with everyone he knows. He leaves behind a life with friends and routines and there is nothing there to replace it. He exists in a void and doesn’t even have a friend to talk about it with. I believe that is why Cocaine Anonymous is so popular. It gives the addict an anchor with people to talk to who are sharing the same problems. This is fine as a transitional support system, but it is just an extension of the drug culture. After all, everyone there is an addict. Most people just don’t realize that this is a transitional support and never get beyond it. If he can’t build a new life for himself outside the drug culture, the odds are that he will relapse. A rehab program that suggests that the addict endeavor to reclaim the life he had before drugs is doomed from the very beginning. If he was happy in his old life, he wouldn’t have become an addict in the first place. I believe that an emphasis on exploring the possibilities of a new life has the highest chance of success.
Another cause of relapse is monotony. The most dangerous times are those when boredom sets in. The mind will immediately begin seeking a means of overcoming the situation and doing some drugs is the first thing that the addict will think of. Rehab programs should encourage their patients to explore different plans to keep busy. A few are work, school, volunteering or hobbies. Anything that keeps an addict occupied will help to prevent his mind from wandering into the dangerous territory of testing himself with “Just a little toke.” Deep in the addict’s subconscious is a trap. We all fool ourselves into thinking that once we have been clean for awhile; we can go back to being a casual user. Many addicts never get to the point of admitting the fact that you can’t be a part time addict. If you use even once, you will eventually revert to full time drug addiction.
At least during the first phase of rehabilitation it is important for him to avoid his old friends and haunts. The strongest of us will succumb to temptation if it is right there in our faces.
On the flip side, taking on too much all at once can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy which provide another road back into the abyss. I’ve learned all of this during my 20 years of addiction, both from personal experience and by observation of other addicts.
I used to break a $20.00 piece into 4 tokes and try to spread them out so that I have time to come down between each one. It’s hard to do because, once the initial rush wears off in a couple of minutes, there is an overwhelming compulsion to do another. If I didn’t resist that urge, I learned that I just didn’t get off on the next one and it’s too hard on my heart. There aren’t many crack addicts who live to my age. As you get older, you become more susceptible to strokes and heart attacks. I know younger people who put a whole $50.00 piece on their pipe at once. That would certainly kill me. I’ve heard of cops who when they catch someone smoking force them to smoke their whole piece at once, presumably in the hopes of causing an overdose death. I wonder if they have been the cause of some of the deaths on our streets.
In all my life, I’ve never seen death to the extent that it exists on the street. Every year, several people I knew I knew died out there, and many I didn’t know. Most of the deaths were totally preventable. The causes, exposure, violence, disease and drug overdoses all could be prevented by providing a decent home and realistic treatment. Being forced to live on the streets is a death sentence, imposed by the politicians who refuse to fund an adequate housing policy. A homeless person gets worn down until he finally succumbs to a premature death. It’s disgraceful that in the richest society that has ever existed on the face of the Earth, we should have a political policy that forces people out of their home to die on the streets.
Ronzig is a digital photo artist and social activist from Toronto. He is an ex addict and had been homeless for ten years. Prior to this he had been a successful business owner, employing over 100 people. He has an online portfolio and has his own blog, Down But Not Out.
You’re damn right about boredom; just sitting all day will drive a person crazy. Volunteer work is so fantastic at curing that; regular, hard work, means you can sleep at night, get up at the same time every day, live like a person, some of them will feed you at lunch.
But of course, it’s all well and good if you’re sober, but when you’re not, or when you really need something, ones thought processes tend to be different. “Why should I bust my ass all day to live in a hole just the same; why not bust my ass so I can score?”
It’s catch 22, and for pretty much most people, something has to go hideously wrong before anything can start to go right again. Gotta get yourself messed up, hospitalised through the worst of it so the first thing you do isn’t look for a fix, and as they turf you out again, there’s gotta be someone waiting for you at the door offering this alternative routine. They’ve got 2 hours to find you, or you get bored, and go looking.
Cheers for sharing man; found this site by accident. Just read all the ones posted today. Hopefully a lot of people see it.
Will | Jan 5, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for contributing, Will and I’m pleased you’ve enjoyed the site. It takes courage to share these stories in public and I’m sure Ronzig and the other contributors will appreciate your taking the time to read them and provide positive feedback.
admin | Jan 5, 2009 | Reply
dear ronzig-
i want to encourage you that rehab programs can work. i know there are always flaws. but i think that if you put in the hard work to not only quit, but also to form your community w/ the other addicts trying to recover, you’ll find yourself more successful.
either way, i wish you the best. thank you for being vulnerable enough to share you story. in my prayers. ashley
ash | Jan 5, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for your comments and thanks for taking the time to read my story. I believe that telling the stories of people who are or have experienced homelessness or addiction is the best way to achieve social change on the issue. The more people who become knowledgeable of the situation the sooner public attitudes will become more realistic and political pressure to do something meaningful will evolve. The public needs to realize that people in this situation are real people who need and deserve understanding and help rather than disdain.
Ronzig | Jan 5, 2009 | Reply
I’m not quite sure I understand your comment Ash. When you say I’ll find myself more successful, I fear you have misread me. I have been clean and sober since March 2, 2005
I agree that rehab programs are helpful, but the fact that less than 10% of their clients achieve lasting sobriety speaks to the fact that there is a lot of room for improvement. Still, they are better than nothing and I could never have achieved what I have without the help of the detox centre, the halfway house for recovering addicts and the Salvation Army rehab program.
Ronzig | Jan 5, 2009 | Reply
Thank you for posting one of the most articulate descriptions of life post-addiction I’ve read. Well done on keeping clean and I hope you get to your home soon.
Walls | Jan 6, 2009 | Reply
Why bother?
Drugs are FUN.
Drugs can make life interesting.
Drugs… Do some now. You know you want to.
kidsAfoodSource | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
kidsAfoodSource, you really should grow up. I admit that there are plenty of non addictive drugs that are fun and should be allowed for recreational use, but cocaine, crack and opiates along with many prescription drugs ARE NOT FUN when they take control of your life and lead you to an early grave.
Ronzig | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
Your strength is inspiring for all of us fighting this battle.
I have been clean now for five years and used college as my refuge when needing to escape the boredom urges.
The policies that are in place in our government are a disgrace to the human race and all who may struggle will be neglected.
I am now a studying social worker in hopes that I can make some small change that may save even one life.
May you be encouraged in your battle and know there are people out there praying for and I am one of them.
Sincerely,
Cecily
Cecily | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
Psychological-based rehab will never get a good percentage of success when the addiction is physical (chemical). If society would quit looking at addiction as a moral issue and simply see that it’s chemical and environmental we’d get much better success rates.
Bob Fry | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
Thanks Cecily. I’m so happy for you. This stream has really brought a great happiness to my life. It is so good to hear from so many who are making it. I hope that our stories give hope to all the others who haven’t made it yet. I heard from a friend that one of my street daughters has aids. I pray it’s not true. She’s a better photographer than me and my best friend, but she stopped talking to me months ago. God I miss her.
It’s so wonderful that so many of us who are doing well dedicate our lives to helping those who are still out there. Glad to see that you’re one of us.
Ronzig | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
Hi Bob. Addiction is all three and must be addressed in that manner to improve success rates. I agree that more emphasis should be placed on the chemical and emotional aspects, but the psychological component should not be ignored. The root cause of a person’s willingness to gamble with addiction when he first tries a drug is psychological and environmental and the chemical aspect comes in later. The myth that cocaine and crack addiction is purely psychological is one reason that treatment is so seldom successful. I went through severe physical withdraws when I quit and believe that my body chemistry has been permanently altered by the drug. Could that be one of the reasons why we continue to have crack dreams years after we quit using? It doesn’t seem to be all in the head. It’s so real.
Ronzig | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
I am so proud of you to read that you have been straight since 2005… that is quite an accomplishment! I have lost a really good friend to crack… and to know that there are those that can conquer the beast is inspiring. May you be blessed as you continue down the road of sobriety.
Susan | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for the comment Susan. Yes, although we who are succeeding are in the minority, we are the proof that the situation IS NOT HOPELESS. With better policies from our government, the success rate could rise exponentially. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your friend so needlessly. So many have lost friends and loved ones this way and it seems that the politicians will continue to ignore the situation until many more are lost. I urge you and everyone who cares about this disaster to write to your political representatives at all levels of government and demand ACTION NOT SMOKE SCREENS.
Ronzig | Jan 11, 2009 | Reply
This article implies that marijuana users are addicts. Complete crap. There is nothing in marijuana that is addictive other than the person’s lack of lifeskills.
As a recovered alkie (19 years), i have never ever seen a pot addict. There are those that use pot to mellow out after a meth binge or think they are getting fun by overdosing and falling asleep but please, no matter how self-rightous and perfect you think you are now that you are clean, don’t imply pot is addictive.
Your true story is you , like me, were weak, confusoed and messed up. You may have puffed a few dobies on your way to the meth dealers place, but, truly, pot was not the issue. Like all addicts, the drug of choice wasn’t pot. It may have been heroin,meth, E, coke, but I can not be convinced pot was your monkey.
This misinformation is typical of brainwashed recovered addicts that fall for the government propoganda line ” Pot is a Killer !’
Where I know first hand one must change ” playmates, playgrounds and playthings”. weed use shouldn’t even be introduced into the equation.
If you take some time and research ” killer weed” you will find that cannabiods reduce early onset Alzheimer’s, increases alertness and awareness in motor vehicle operators as well as increases appetite in cancer and AIDS patients.
Further spread of the inaccuracies and lies around marijuana does not help anyone.
Gary Dee | Jan 11, 2009 | Reply
Obviously Gary, you didn’t read the post. I have never said Marijuana is addictive. I suggest you read before going off the deep end.
Ronzig | Jan 11, 2009 | Reply
Hey Ronzig, thanks for sharing.
Yeah when boredom hits the only way out is to just have one last hit…did some two days ago, regretting it not…but broke again heh
hope everything works out with ya,
ciao
findhu | Jan 12, 2009 | Reply
Careful findhu, those “one last hits” tend to get more and more frequent until you’re going at it full time again. Hope you can find something positive to overcome the boredom.
Ronzig | Jan 13, 2009 | Reply
Hmmm…good article, but I have to disagree with the housing policy part. I don’t think society owes free housing to someone who is an addict. A single parent who can’t find a job that pays enough to cover the babysitter - yes, help them with housing. Someone who is in a bad accident and can’t work - sure, help them. But someone who can’t work because of an addiction? No way…no one forced you to take drugs to begin with. And bad circumstances is no excuse - every has their own battles to fight. Some people fight them, but others give in and take drugs or drink. People who don’t fight don’t have a right to free housing. I could tell you stories about my life that would be just as bad as anyone else’s. I have started over from scratch with nothing - more than once, and with a child to support. I had an abusive childhood and an abusive husband who never paid child support. I have been homeless, and with a child in tow. But giving up was not an option. If you can’t handle life, then that’s where survival of the fittest comes in.
Karen | Jan 13, 2009 | Reply
Survival of the fittest eh Karen. Guess it’s back to the jungle. Maybe we should bring on euthanasia. Wow, we could get rid of all the addicts and once that’s done, how about the mentally and physically handicapped,or people with the wrong colored hair, or too big a nose?
Ronzig | Jan 13, 2009 | Reply
Yaknow, some people think it’s a joke, but drugs are probably one of the worst things you can do to your body. I do know from personal experience but I also know how worthwhiel it is to live “the clean life”
Guffin Mopes | Jan 14, 2009 | Reply
Yes Guffin Mopes. Too bad we have to pay such a devastating price to learn our lessons.
Ronzig | Jan 14, 2009 | Reply
“The causes, exposure, violence, disease and drug overdoses all could be prevented by providing a decent home and realistic treatment. Being forced to live on the streets is a death sentence, imposed by the politicians who refuse to fund an adequate housing policy. ”
No politicians forces anyone to take drugs, ergo….
bryony1 | Jan 15, 2009 | Reply
Yah,well bryony1 I see where you’re coming from and you’re just one more of the people that make this society such a sick place.
Ronzig | Jan 16, 2009 | Reply
re: marijuana addiction…
we know that it’s not the substance that creates addiction. Substances can create physical dependence. We know that untreated mental health issues & adverse childhood experiences create the addiction part of dependency. There have been a billion studies on this.
You can say “we don’t owe housing or treatment to anyone” and in one school of thought you’d be agreed with….
However, every time you house and treat someone with addictions you save the community and society as a whole umpteen dollars and a lot of pain. It’s the sensible, and compassionate thing to do.
I totally agree how programs like 12 step models are transitional. AND they’re not the only way to go.
Thank you for writing this. It’s important that people can put a face to the issue and hear the struggle of getting cleaned up.
Fact is, not very many people do clean up. We don’t actually know why treatment doesn’t really work, we don’t know how to treat addicts, we have a bunch of theories that work for 3-5% of the population and after that we’re grasping at straws and blaming the the ones that are living with the pain instead of ‘fessing up to the fact that we don’t know how to deal with this issue.
We don’t know why some people get out and other don’t. I’m one who did. EVERY SINGLE other person I used with is dead.
Until we start helping families and small children, work at irradicating child abuse, abject poverty, getting diagnosis and treatment for mental health issues then how can we say “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”? We can’t.
babetteq | Jan 19, 2009 | Reply
oh and Karen… you said “I had an abusive childhood and an abusive husband who never paid child support. I have been homeless, and with a child in tow. But giving up was not an option”
You don’t know why you didn’t become addicted and someone else did. You’ve decided tht it’s because you ‘didn’t give up”
Have you ever had a glass of wine? But you didn’t become addicted to alcohol. Why? not because you ‘didn’t give up” but because your brain didn’t addict to it. You really can’t take all the credit.
babetteq | Jan 19, 2009 | Reply
You make some very good points babetteq. Interesting how some of these folks are so powerful that ALL their good fortune in overcoming adversity was solely their own doing and neither God nor other people contributed at all. I truly envy that kind of strength. It’s awesome to be so strong that one can stand completely alone against the world and prosper. Wish we all could. We certainly would need to if everyone felt like them.
Ronzig | Jan 20, 2009 | Reply
Loved the testimony man, thank you. I’m trying to understand addiction better. I’m living in an intentional community that attempts to give people who are at risk of homelessness a place to live. We (the people I volunteer with and live with) find it difficult to trust addicts of the hard stuff in a community. I know and love many people who are addicted to things they can’t stop but I don’t know how to bring them into a community that needs trust and honesty as it’s foundation. Our vision is for a holistic community that extends CA into everyday life. I live with and love a former sniff addict, former alcoholic and just said goodbye to a former coke user. It’s a year long transition program that slowly introduces “healthy” people from our extended community into the tighter struggling community. I’ve been thinking that financial accountability is something that might engender more trust. Co-signed accounts. Freedom names something that doesn’t help many of us. I guess I’m just impressed by your candidness and the fair responses you’ve offered and I want to learn more from someone who’s been there and has found balance. real respect to you…
flatland life | Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
This is wonderfully written, passionate and is precisely the point that new-age politicians should start to focus on. I think that, because Obama has been elected, people are going to start demanding action and consequence from their politicians, rather than ask for it. I am going overseas next year with the Peace Corps, I hope to do some good and to better understand those in your situation. Good luck, and best wishes.
Hannah | Jan 27, 2009 | Reply
Hi Ronzig,
Changing ones social environment and fighting boredom… are thing I certainly can relate to. Fortunately I’ve “only” been addicted to Pot
for more then 30 years and I guess I’ve been lucky that pot was my drug of choice.
You call yourself an digital photo artist, but did you know you’re a d*mned good writer as well ?
Bart
Bart | Feb 27, 2009 | Reply
Thank you so much for this article. It reminds me so much of a dear friend of mine Chuck, or as most people called him, “Toto”. He passed earlier this year and since then there has been a major push in our area to help the homeless and addicted in the community. I “stumbled” this article and I’m so very glad I did. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for this.
Melody | Jun 27, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for writing Melody. I tell my story in the hope that it will help people to understand the problem of addiction so they can realize that addicts are not bad people who deserve to suffer, but merely fellow human beings who made a wrong turn and got lost. It’s so hard to find a way back once you’re lost and there is so little understanding or help that few make it.
ronzig | Jun 27, 2009 | Reply